Selfish Desires
by Zehava
Summary: Is it really selfish to want someone to never leave your side?


**Woah. I haven't been on here in… forever? Sorry for those who have been actually waiting for me to actually post something but I guess I didn't find the inspiration. I got addicted to Nabari No Ou and this thought wouldn't leave my mind until I had written it down so here's a random drabble. **

**Like everyone else, I wasn't happy with either ending but I haven't read the ending to the manga in English yet so this is a little time that's probably… a few weeks or so before the anime's ending. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Nabari No Ou I obviously wouldn't be writing this fake 'ending' now would I?**

**Selfish Desires**

Spring was nearing the small town Banten. However, cold winds still blew while they still had their power and caused the blossoms on the trees to shiver and fall to the ground.

One little blossom didn't make it though, landing instead on a mop of dark brown—almost black—hair and settled there. A lithe, small built boy paused in his steps and reached up to remove it. His green eyes stared at it indifferently yet he hesitated before dropping it to the ground and starting along his way once more.

He had noticed a faint increase of speed in these trips he had been making of recent. The boy had no reason to hide his reasons as everyone he knew was hanging back to allow him to get there first; more time. And while it irritated him, he also felt a twinge of gratitude.

Slipping through the doorway he frowned upon seeing the rocking chair empty. The porch looked lonely as the wind moved the furniture back and forth slowly. Try as he might, he couldn't repress the feeling of fear. He hadn't come in too late…?

Quickly he pulled off his shoes and quietly made his way through the house.

Empty.

Empty.

Empty…

His level of fear had almost reached the critical point. Why was everything so empty? He stopped in the living room, looking around for any trace of the one he was looking for. He should have ran here, should have skipped school, should have—

"Miharu…?"

His green eyes sliced over onto the figure that was slowly making its way into the room. It was a thin, tall being, perhaps a couple years older than the other. It looked skeletal in appearance with its lanky figure. Its skin was pale like snow except for its hands and arms which were an ashen color as if they were rotting away. By the sharp angles of its face and body one couldn't say for sure what gender it really was but the lack of breasts turned the it to a he. Raven black locks of hair framed his face and had nearly reached his shoulders in the front. Dark bags were under gorgeous blue eyes which were glittering in concern.

"Miharu… are you alright?" The voice was soft and whispered over his ears and while it wasn't deep, it wasn't high either and offered the perfect blend. The younger male took a step forward as he tried to rein in his indifference, attempt to look like he hadn't worried at all about the thing they all knew would eventually happen. No matter how he tried though, this male's presence denied him his usual mask of apathy.

Miharu stepped towards him until he was close enough to wrap his arms around the taller one's waist and snug his face into his turtle-necked clad chest. Even after all this time there was a tension under him which caused him to tighten his grip. There was a moment's hesitation before the older one draped his arms loosely on the boy's shoulders. It was times like these that made the younger one feel the sorrow that he was always hiding. The loneliness he always feared had hit him tenfold when he had thought the one who was most special to him was gone.

"Where were you, Yoite?" The older one frowned and pulled away, giving him a confused look that indicated he didn't hear. Miharu tilted his head back to ask his question. Yoite nodded in understanding this time and motioned to the back.

"Bedroom."

How had he not checked there? He nearly had a breakdown because he hadn't checked one room? The blue-eyed male frowned as he tiredly settled down on the couch. "Were you worried I would be gone?" Miharu nearly winced at the carless tone in which that question was asked. He slipped to the ground on his knees, resting his chin on the cushion beside Yoite's leg.

"Yes." His voice was still monotone as he glanced up at him. Yoite was looking forward however his hand lifted to rest on top of the younger one's head.

"We both know what's going to happen though…" Miharu shifted his gaze to look bitterly at the back of the couch. Every time they got into this conversation he felt himself get upset.

Why did it have to happen? He held a power that could twist time, bend reality, so why wouldn't anyone allow him to use it to save one life?

A life so precious to him…

Though he could hate Yoite when the older sat there as if he still meant nothing to this world. As if he wouldn't hurt anyone by dying. He couldn't possibly think no one would be sad… or maybe he just didn't want to address it. As if sensing his inner turmoil, Yoite looked down on him.

"You could still erase me if—"

"No." The blue eyes blinked as Miharu slipped away from his hand to sit up, giving him a green stare. "I don't want to forget Yoite."

He should breach the subject now. Last time he never had the courage and the first time was in the church, and now… it was a perfect time. He hoped at least. The younger one reached for the blackened hands and was pleased to have the other not flinch away. Despite how they looked, they felt the same as any human's.

Not the ones of a death god.

"If you would let me… I wouldn't have to worry that one day you won't be here." Not blunt and flat out, rather a roundabout way but Yoite understood and was soon shaking his head slowly.

"Don't use the Shinrabansho to save me, Miharu."

"Why?" The question was asked in a bored tone but by the tightening of his grip on the black fingers said another emotion was involved.

"I know that I now have… bonds with people but that doesn't change what I have done." His blue gaze shifted away again. "I deserve to die. Maybe that will be enough repentance for my sins."

"The Kairoshu told—"

"They didn't make me kill those people, Miharu. I chose to bend them with the Kira until they broke. No one else."

_Maybe if you weren't so bent on repaying the dead you would see the living that suffers now._

But he didn't say that.

"This is my new wish. To be remembered by you… to be here now, it makes me happy." There was a pang in Miharu's heart at his light, tired smile.

_Being with me longer, forever, doesn't make you happy though?_

Only the ones desperate to be saved from loneliness would be ones cursed to have their saviors leave them once more after showing them the light offered.

"… Miharu?" He blinked, looking up to notice he had missed something said.

"What?" The smile remained on Yoite's lips.

"Would you like something to drink? I made some lemon cider earlier…" Miharu got to his feet, regrettably having to break his hold on Yoite's hands. He forced a smile to his face.

"Let me get some."

He was only gone a minute but by the time he had returned, Yoite was asleep. He took in the moment as he set the cups down on the table. Going over to the older being, he bent over him so he could clearly see the rise and fall of his chest. Dipping his head lower he felt warm breath ruffle his bangs. Even now there was a small smile which reflected on Miharu's face. Were his dreams finally sweet?

He wanted to always see that smile.

Miharu sat beside the male carefully and lightly put his head on his shoulder. The sleeping male made a noise like a sigh and there was suddenly a weight on his head where Yoite's cheek now rested. He noticed how perfectly they fit together.

_Soon though you'll have one less piece to your puzzle._

He frowned at the voice, once more reaching for Yoite's hand. While it comforted him, it didn't drive the thoughts out of his head.

If he saved this important person…

Yoite would hate him. He had made it clear he didn't want to evade death any longer.

And if he did… perhaps even now he feared death but didn't think himself worthy to be saved. Would he still hate him then? But if he did hate him, could Miharu be content with the knowledge that he would always be there when he came home despite the fact the gaze would be filled with fury? Was it pathetic he said yes?

Or would he be trapping a dead man in a living man's world? Could angels of death belong?

With Miharu he could.

Why couldn't he be selfish? If he had the Shinrabansho that gave him the right to use it didn't it?

Ignoring Yoite's final wish would indeed be cruel as it was the only thing he verbally said he wanted and yet…

Miharu was starting to value his wish more.

A selfish desire that would pull someone away from death's edge… was that really bad? Actually selfish?

He brought the black limb up to his eye.

What would it have looked like white as snow rather than black as sin? Would he still long to hold it and never let go?

Was that selfish?

He knew it was selfish of him to want Yoite all to himself. The afterlife didn't deserve such a pure, child-like soul. Only one with a similar soul and heart could appreciate it.

He lowered Yoite's hand onto his lap once more though he didn't let go.

_Decide. There's not any time left to cling to the still thin bond between us. There's never any time… Not enough hours in the days, weeks, years, eternity… _

Too serious of thoughts for a feminine fourteen-year old boy.

Miharu closed his green eyes tiredly and turned his face into the older one's neck.

Rain. Blood. Vanilla and lemons.

How could those things make such an amazing scent?

The pulse was weak against his cheek and he desperately wanted to hear it when it had been strong. Another selfish need.

Need…?

Did he now _need _the Kira user?

But every breath that warmed his head, every beat of his heart, every small thing he had grown used to and expected everyday… it made him understand.

He needed Yoite like he needed air.

It was this seemingly new revelation that sent him plummeting into sky blue, black letters floating past his vision.

_What is your wish, Miharu…?_

**Am I evil for leaving it like that? Maybe… I do hate these sort of stories that don't have an ending but really, Nabari No Ou to me has no ending, simply new characters and challenges. This does have obviously MiharuxYoite but probably a different version than others.**

**They are to me… the fairytale love that no one gets but everyone wants. A rather destructive love. I hope maybe I got some of that in this. Either way… I hope you liked it and if you haven't already: GO FIND THIS SERIES. IT'S FREAKIN' AMAZING. 3**

**Zehava**


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